


The Fishmongers Daughter: Extended Edition

by SleepingReader



Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Father-Daughter Relationship, Gen, Other, Poetry, Rated teen for language, its fishmongers daughter yall i spent a long time on this so technically:, songfic sorta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:47:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28051899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SleepingReader/pseuds/SleepingReader
Summary: After Jaskier comes back from his attempted kidnapping with a sore throat, no one is entirely sure what happened.Apart from Geralt.Jaskier is very annoying.And no one knows that better than Jaskier.Alternative title: Here's 27 verses to Fishmongers Daughter.Netflix, cast me as Essi.
Relationships: Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon & Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 14
Kudos: 61





	The Fishmongers Daughter: Extended Edition

‘Jaskier’s been kidnapped!’ Ciri shouts. Geralt barely looks up from his pint. A small smirk shows on his face.

‘Eh, he’ll be fine’ he says.

'But he's your... partner! Husband-to-be! He's your bard!'

'Like I said, he'll be fine. He's very annoying.'

'What?'

'Have some more bread, Ciri.'

And sure enough, Jaskier comes in half an hour later, with a sore throat and a note from the bandits for Geralt, begging him to please take him back.  
'How did you do that?' Ciri asks, eyes wide. From the table next to them, Eskel leans over to listen in.  
Jaskier wheezes for a bit until Geralt slides him his ale. He takes a sip and coughs.  
'I sang all twenty-seven verses of Fishmongers Daughter until they let me go.'  
Eskel raises an eyebrow.  
'There's twenty-seven verses?' he asks incredulously. 'I've only heard five!'  
Jaskier takes another sip. 'From Valdo Marx, probably,' he scoffs. 'Poncy prick. A true bard knows all of them.'  
'Geralt, we're taking him to Kaer Morhen, I need to hear these songs.' Eskel says, nudging his brother.  
'Hmm.' says Geralt.  
'Is that a yes?' Asks Ciri, eyes bright.  
Jaskier and Eskel reply at the same time: 'It's a yes.'

That winter at Kaer Morhen, the witchers were treated to all verses.  
And here they are.

_Oh Fishmonger, oh Fishmonger_  
_Come quell your daughters hunger_  
_To pull on my horn as it rises in the morn_  
_For ti's not but bad luck_  
_To fuck with a puck_  
_Lest your grandkids be born_  
_A hairy young fawn_  
_Bleating braying hey hey ho_  
_The fishmongers daughter baa baa_  
_The fishmongers daughter baa baa baa_  
_Ooooh (here the bard normally waits for one of the patrons to shout out a new animal)_

_Oh Fishmonger, oh Fishmonger_  
_Come quell your daughters hunger_  
_To pull on my horn as it rises in the morn_  
_For fate won't run its course_  
_If she mounts her own horse_  
_Lest your mainest of goals_  
_Is to raise a young foal_  
_Neighing neighing hey hey ho_  
_The fishmongers daughter neigh neigh_  
_The fishmongers daughter neigh neigh neigh_  
_Ooooh_

_Oh Fishmonger, oh Fishmonger_  
_Come quell your daughters hunger_  
_To pull on my horn as it rises in the morn_  
_For bad luck to your house_  
_If you carouse with a mouse_  
_Your grandkids so frail_  
_With their skinny long tail_  
_Squeaking squeaking hey hey ho_  
_The fishmongers daughter squeak squeak_  
_The fishmongers daughter squeak squeak squeak_  
_ooooh_

_Oh Fishmonger, oh Fishmonger_  
_Come quell your daughters hunger_  
_To pull on my horn as it rises in the morn_  
_For she's naught but a whore_  
_If she mates with a boar_  
_If your grandson he moves_  
_With his cloven wee hooves_  
_Oinking Oinking hey hey ho_  
_The fishmongers daughter oink oink_  
_The fishmongers daughter oink oink oink_  
_Ooooh_

_Oh Fishmonger, oh Fishmonger_  
_Come quell your daughters hunger_  
_To pull on my horn as it rises in the morn_  
_For it takes some know how_  
_To be ploughed by a cow_  
_If you grandkids has lots_  
_Of brown and white spots_  
_Mooing mooing hey hey ho_  
_The fishmongers daughter moo moo_  
_The fishmongers daughter moo moo moo_  
_ooooh_

_Oh Fishmonger, oh Fishmonger_  
_Come quell your daughters hunger_  
_To pull on my horn as it rises in the morn_  
_For you're bound to get sticky_  
_If you lie with your piggie_  
_If your grandkids are hale_  
_With their cute curly tail_  
_Squealing squealing hey hey ho_  
_The fishmongers daughter squee squeee_  
_The fishmongers daughter squeaa squee squee_  
_Ooooh_

_Oh Fishmonger, oh Fishmonger_  
_Come quell your daughters hunger_  
_To pull on my horn as it rises in the morn_  
_For she's bound to get hurt_  
_Getting fucked by a bird_  
_Lest your granddaughter speak_  
_Her first words out her beak_  
_Tweeting tweeting hey hey ho_  
_The fishmongers daughter tweet tweet_  
_The fishmongers daughter tweet tweet tweet_  
_ooooh_

_Oh Fishmonger, oh Fishmonger_  
_Come quell your daughters hunger_  
_To pull on my horn as it rises in the morn_  
_Fir there's nothing to please_  
_If you fondle some geese_  
_If you grandkids so stronk_  
_Only talks with a honk_  
_Honking hissing hey hey ho_  
_The fishmongers daughter honk honk_  
_The fishmongers daughter honk honk honk_  
_Oooooh_

_Oh Fishmonger, oh Fishmonger_  
_Come quell your daughters hunger_  
_To pull on my horn as it rises in the morn_  
_For it cannot be fun_  
_To give your bum to a Swan_  
_Keep your daughter in check_  
_Or her children's long neck_  
_Will hit you hit you hey hey ho_  
_The fishmongers daughter smack smack_  
_The fishmongers daughter smack smack smack_  
_Ooooh_

_Oh Fishmonger, oh Fishmonger_  
_Come quell your daughters hunger_  
_To pull on my horn as it rises in the morn_  
_For shed best have a lad_  
_Than to shag with a cat_  
_Unless you want your own mittens_  
_Full of sweet fluffy kittens_  
_Meowing meowing hey hey ho_  
_The fishmongers daughter meow meow_  
_The fishmongers daughter meow meow meow_  
_Oooooooh_

_Oh Fishmonger, oh Fishmonger_  
_Come quell your daughters hunger_  
_To pull on my horn as it rises in the morn_  
_For she'd best keep her head_  
_Than get a monkey in bed_  
_Visit your grandkid to see_  
_A big chimpanzee_  
_Ooking ooking hey hey ho_  
_The fishmongers daughter ook ook_  
_The fishmongers daughter ook ook ook_  
_Oooooh_

_Oh Fishmonger, oh Fishmonger_  
_Come quell your daughters hunger_  
_To pull on my horn as it rises in the morn_  
_My advice, what do I know_  
_Don't make love to a rhino_  
_Lest your grandkids be born_  
_With a huge fucking horn_  
_Grunting grunting hey hey ho_  
_The fishmongers daughter grunt grunt_  
_The fishmongers daughter grunt grunt grunt_  
_Ooooh_

_Oh Fishmonger, oh Fishmonger_  
_Come quell your daughters hunger_  
_To pull on my horn as it rises in the morn_  
_For youd sure be agog_  
_If she lay with a dog_  
_Unless you want to shack up_  
_With a strong healthy pup_  
_Barking whining hey hey ho_  
_The fishmongers daughter woof woof_  
_The fishmongers daughter woof woof woof_  
_Oooooh_

_Oh Fishmonger, oh Fishmonger_  
_Come quell your daughters hunger_  
_To pull on my horn as it rises in the morn_  
_For it will sure be amiss_  
_If she sleeps with a fish_  
_Lest you smell from afar_  
_Some nice caviar_  
_Blubbing swimming hey hey ho_  
_The fishmongers daughter blub blub_  
_The fishmongers daughter blub blub blub_  
_Oooooh_

_Oh Fishmonger, oh Fishmonger_  
_Come quell your daughters hunger_  
_To pull on my horn as it rises in the morn_  
_Before she steps in the bog_  
_To make love to a frog_  
_At him you would wince_  
_Unless he turns out a Prince_  
_Croaking creaking hey hey ho_  
_The fishmongers daughter croak croak_  
_The fishmongers daughter croak croak croak_  
_Oooooh_

_Oh Fishmonger, oh Fishmonger_  
_Come quell your daughters hunger_  
_To pull on my horn as it rises in the morn_  
_For it'd be making you squrim_  
_If she fucked with a worm_  
_Lest your grandkids be bound_  
_To eat dirt and ground_  
_(silence, silence)HEY HEY HO_  
_The fishmongers daughter (silence silence)_  
_The fishmongers daughter (silence silence silence)_  
_Oooooh_

_Oh Fishmonger, oh Fishmonger_  
_Come quell your daughters hunger_  
_To pull on my horn as it rises in the morn_  
_For fate would not care_  
_If she slept with a bear_  
_Lest your grandkid pleases_  
_To tear you to pieces_  
_Roaring grumbling hey hey ho_  
_The fishmongers daughter roar roar_  
_The fishmongers daughter roar roar roar_  
_ooooh_

_Oh Fishmonger, oh Fishmonger_  
_Come quell your daughters hunger_  
_To pull on my horn as it rises in the morn_  
_For she's bound to catch pox_  
_Getting foxed by a fox_  
_Lest your poor eyes may linger_  
_On a grandchild so ginger_  
_(DINGDINGDING WHAPAPAPAPOW) HEY HEY HO_  
_The fishmongers daughter eeee eeee_  
_The fishmongers daughter eeeee eeee eeee_  
_oooohh_

_Oh Fishmonger, oh Fishmonger_  
_Come quell your daughters hunger_  
_To pull on my horn as it rises in the morn_  
_For you won't be amused_  
_If she slept with a moose_  
_Lest your grandkid can luge_  
_A sled cause its huge_  
_Mooing grunting hey hey ho_  
_The fishmongers daughters mooo mooo_  
_The fishmongers daughters mooo moo moo_  
_Ooooo_

_Oh Fishmonger, oh Fishmonger_  
_Come quell your daughters hunger_  
_To pull on my horn as it rises in the morn_  
_For itd be ever so fowl_  
_If she lay with an owl_  
_Lest your grandkids be bound_  
_To turn they head around_  
_Screeching hooting hey hey ho_  
_The fishmongers daughters hoot hoot_  
_The fishmongers daughter hoot hoot hoot_  
_ooooh_

_Oh Fishmonger, oh Fishmonger_  
_Come quell your daughters hunger_  
_To pull on my horn as it rises in the morn_  
_For your fate won't be fair_  
_If she slept with a hare_  
_Lest your grandkids be fast_  
_To take off with a blast_  
_Sniffling snuffling hey hey ho_  
_The fishmongers daughter snuff snuff_  
_The fishmongers daughter snuff snuff snuff_  
_oooohh_

_Oh Fishmonger, oh Fishmonger_  
_Come quell your daughters hunger_  
_To pull on my horn as it rises in the morn_  
_For you're bound to get jinxed_  
_If you're fucked by a lynx_  
_Lest your grandson might want_  
_To take of your hand_  
_Growling roaring hey hey ho_  
_The fishmongers daughter grr grr_  
_The fishmongers daughter grrr grrr grrr_  
_oooohh_

_Oh Fishmonger, oh Fishmonger_  
_Come quell your daughters hunger_  
_To pull on my horn as it rises in the morn_  
_For you'd best pull the brake_  
_Afore she lays with a snake_  
_Lest your granddaughter toys in_  
_To spray you with poison_  
_Hissing hissing hey hey ho_  
_The fishmongers daughter hiss hiss_  
_The fishmongers daughter hiss hiss hiss_  
_ooooh_

_Oh Fishmonger, oh Fishmonger_  
_Come quell your daughters hunger_  
_To pull on my horn as it rises in the morn_  
_For she's bound to be stiffen_  
_If she fucks with a Griffin_  
_Lest your grandkids so meek_  
_Born with wings and a beak_  
_Screeching screeching hey hey ho_  
_The fishmongers daughter screech screech_  
_The fishmongers daughter screech screech screech_  
_Oooh_

_Oh Fishmonger, oh Fishmonger_  
_Come quell your daughters hunger_  
_To pull on my horn as it rises in the morn_  
_For she will not be full_  
_If she sleeps with a ghoul_  
_Lest your grandkids be born_  
_Half dead and forlorn_  
_Wailing wailing hey hey ho_  
_The fishmongers daughter Ooooo oooo_  
_The fishmongers daughter Ooooo oooo oooooo_  
_Ooooh_

_Oh Fishmonger, oh Fishmonger_  
_Come quell your daughters hunger_  
_To pull on my horn as it rises in the morn_  
_For you'd best drain your flagon_  
_Ere she lays with a dragon_  
_Lest you must make her beg_  
_Not to push out an egg_  
_Roaring roaring hey hey ho_  
_The fishmongers daughter roar roar_  
_The fishmongers daughter roar roar roar_  
_Ooooh_

_Oh Fishmonger, oh Fishmonger_  
_Come quell your daughters hunger_  
_To pull on my horn as it rises in the morn_  
_For ti's an excellent start_  
_To be wed to a bard_  
_Your grandkids be blessed_  
_With a song in their chest_  
_Singing singing all day long!_  
_The fishmongers daughter tra la_  
_the fishmongers daughter tra la la!_

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading my story  
> Of the fishmongers daughter's glory  
> I promise, next one will have more plot  
> Put with a poem like this, I forgot.  
> Please toss a kudos or a comment  
> For they keep me from my sad lament.


End file.
